6 months gone with a child of cheddar pt 2; or What Did You Just Call Me?!
Fairly laid-back Sunday night - was sort of enjoying myself, watching pissed punters singing along to the worst rendition of 'Walking On The Moon' I've ever heard, drinking port and lemonade and not bothering to collect any glasses. Then with classic poo timing, just as I'm about to go and cash up (note: full concentration required while I gather up all the notes from underneath the till) - some staggering, heavy-set gentleman in a stupid hat wanders up and asks 'How long you got left, love?'
- 'Just about to close the bar, mate.'
'No, I meant...' (makes pregnant-style gesture with hands)
'Pardon?' 'Thought I saw a bit of a bump there'
Oh, this shit again.
'No mate, I'm just really fat'.
'Er... er... what can I say, I like the bigger woman' (winking horribly).
Dad, having heard me strop off with the till:
'When's your fucking baby due then, fat boy?' Yeah, have that, you clueless (insert alliterative swear here).
Of course, the offender in question then, by way of redeeming himself, pretends he thought I was dad's girlfriend and heard I was pregnant. Oh, you mean Fi, the tall, slender, blonde-haired barmaid? Yeah right.
Just wondering why some people think it's alright to insult someone like this? And, lets be honest, it is a piss-take, not a genuine enquiry. You'd have to be pretty certain someone was actually having a baby to ask when they're due to drop. Yes, I am quite chubby and I do have a spare tyre but jesus christ, I wouldn't dream of asking an 18 stone woman when she was due unless I was 100% sure.
Besides which, you're the one sitting in a pub at midnight, on your own, drinking pint after pint of shite lager, all of which is going to your not exactly shrinking middle. Do one, and don't you dare speak to me like that again, especially in my condition ;)
- 'Just about to close the bar, mate.'
'No, I meant...' (makes pregnant-style gesture with hands)
'Pardon?' 'Thought I saw a bit of a bump there'
Oh, this shit again.
'No mate, I'm just really fat'.
'Er... er... what can I say, I like the bigger woman' (winking horribly).
Dad, having heard me strop off with the till:
'When's your fucking baby due then, fat boy?' Yeah, have that, you clueless (insert alliterative swear here).
Of course, the offender in question then, by way of redeeming himself, pretends he thought I was dad's girlfriend and heard I was pregnant. Oh, you mean Fi, the tall, slender, blonde-haired barmaid? Yeah right.
Just wondering why some people think it's alright to insult someone like this? And, lets be honest, it is a piss-take, not a genuine enquiry. You'd have to be pretty certain someone was actually having a baby to ask when they're due to drop. Yes, I am quite chubby and I do have a spare tyre but jesus christ, I wouldn't dream of asking an 18 stone woman when she was due unless I was 100% sure.
Besides which, you're the one sitting in a pub at midnight, on your own, drinking pint after pint of shite lager, all of which is going to your not exactly shrinking middle. Do one, and don't you dare speak to me like that again, especially in my condition ;)
Comments
Post a Comment