Sunday, 31 July 2011

Just another manic Sunday...

The Bangles were obviously on crack when they sang "It's just another Manic Monday, aaaah... I wish it was Sunday, aaah... 'cause that's my fun-day" etc.

Sundays are the bane of my life. Before I go any further, here's the:

ALMIGHTY DISCLAIMER!!

This particular rant is not aimed at any normal, friendly regulars of The Railway. Chances are if you frequent the pub and you're reading this, I'm more than happy to make you a cup of tea, or some food, or get up whilst eating my lunch to serve you - it's the rude, impatient retards who favour the jazz bands I have a massive chip on my shoulder about.

However, if I EVER have to tolerate the following from ANY of the aforementioned wankers on a shift ever again I am going to SHOOT somebody.

- Jokingly remarking 'are you actually open?!' upon walking in and there's no one in there yet. No mate, all the doors are locked and I'm not standing here behind the bar, in fact - HOW did you get in here?!! Moron. Someone has to be the first person in, don't they?!

- Replying with 'oh, for fucks sake' when I tell you your drink of choice isn't available at that exact moment.

- Asking me if I'm pregnant.

- Sniggering 'I only wanted a glass!' when pouring through the beginnings of an ale cask using a waste bucket. VERY FUNNY MATE. NOT HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE

- Not using the most basic of manners when ordering, e.g. please, thankyou, can I have etc, so you're just barking 'FOSTERS!' or 'COFFEE!'

- Ordering coffee. Hot drinks in general.

- Ordering pint after pint of lime and soda, or even worse, just soda. Cheapskate.

- Asking for a drink, then turning your back to me to have a chat with your stupid mate so when I've done the drink, I have to stand there like a mug waiting for you to finish your conversation and turn around and PAY for the goddamn drink.

- Coming up to the bar with money in your hand, then standing having a conversation, not bothering to order anything when I come up and ask if you're waiting to be served, then shouting after me the second I walk away after having been ignored for about 5 minutes.

- Not bothering to actually be standing at the bar when you shout your order at me. Or wait until I'm at least looking in your direction.

- Waiting until I'm sitting down eating my lunch before coming up to the bar.

- Asking stupid, pointless questions like 'what does that note say above the records?' or 'who's that in the picture above the door?' when it's rammed, there's about 20 people waiting to be served and I have to ask you to repeat yourself a million times.

- Being a crap singer and joining in with the bands/pianist at the absolute TOP of your voice without an ounce of shame. Or wolf whistling.

- Asking for the 'same again please' when I didn't serve you in the first place...

- Asking for ridiculous things that aren't on the menu like 'oh, just something in a bap' or 'a bit of salad, some courgette, aubergine, halloumi, no bread, some falafels and wedges, I'm on a diet'

- Men walking into the ladies loos and then going 'well, they used to be there'. About 3 years ago mate, yeah.

- Wanting to book a night in the diary or pitch your stupid idea to me at the busiest peak of the afternoon, again, when I can't HEAR YOU!!!

JUST DO ONE!! DO ONE!!!!!