Friday, 28 October 2011

My friends say the darndest things.

Here's a selection of ridiculous drivel as spouted by me and my brilliant friends :)

John: Can we get a dog? Can we call it Norway?
Me: No.
John: Oh! But then when you say, take the dog for a walk, I can say (in a northern accent) 'NOR-WAY!!'

John: Is it "aal-monds" or "AL-monds?"
Me: I say "aal-monds", but scots might say it differently.
John: Shut up!! You think just because I'm scottish that I'm retarded!! Well, you are as well, all you Essex lot, with all your TOWELIE bollocks.

John: Why's there a child called Marzipan anyway? Isn't marzipan a cheese?

John:(Squealing horribly in his sleep) Oh! Oh! I thought you were a fish!!

John: You're 20 now, isn't it scary? You really gotta make the next 5 years count, we're all grown up now... oh my god, there's a giant bouncy castle over there.

Me, spotting a tiny mop bucket in the corner of a car park: Aaaaw, look, it's lonely.
John: Don't get sad for the mop bucket Rosie, I know how broody you get.

John: I'm not sure I know the difference between Aspergers and Asparagus...

Tom Burgess: Smells of onions in here.
Me: Yeah, that'll be all the onions. (Points to large stack of onions) Oniony, isn't it.
Tom: ...Yeah. Some might say too oniony, but what do they know?

Tom: Look at all these happy couples. Don't it just make you wanna start fires?

John: You really don't understand how much I HATE minijack adaptors going missing. It'd be like you losing a shoe or a sock or something.

Me: I only tagged that video because there are bits of it where Blondie reminds me of me.
John: Why? Does she keep falling over?

Mum: What's this I've picked up? I didn't even want it.
Me: Oh, it's a body polisher.
Mum: I don't really need a body polisher, do I?
Me: Why'd you pick it up, then?
Mum: Well, it was only a pound!

Tom: (holding a can of deodrant) I've got really bad aim in my left hand, can you please tell me if I'm going in the right direction?

Xiehe: Do carrots have bones?

Xiehe: Why aren't America in the Eurovision? I was saying to Dad, Brazil's not in it either....

Xiehe: (Eating an egg and onion sandwich) Oh man, I could so go for an egg and onion sandwich right now. I mean, when I'm drunk.

Xiehe: (looking at a lampost) Look at that pricky little bitch. UP YOURS, ARSEHOLE!!

Xiehe: Oh, I knew it. This rubbish isn't mine. I just saw it on the bar and assumed it was mine and put it in my bag. But I know it isn't mine because I haven't bought anything today.

Jon: Hold on a minute, Rosie. I'm talking to Xiehe.
Me: Xiehe's not in here.
Jon: Yeah, look....
Me: That's my BAG.
Jon: ... oh. I was wondering why she wasn't saying much.

Syd: Dag, man, you should come and do some recording up in London with me sometime.
Dag: I can't think of anything WORSE right now.
Syd: Why not?
Dag: Because I DON'T LIKE YOU.

Fi: She's got a well good hairstyle, that Mia Watson.
Dad: Mia Wallace.
Fi: Oh. Yeah. Shut up! I was thinking of the one that's in Rosemary's Baby.
Dad: That'll be Mia Farrow.
Fi: Fucking hell! Maybe I went to school with someone called Emma Watson.
Me: That's an actress.