Monday, 28 November 2011

Southend-on-SHITE

This may very well be the second blog I've written about how shit this town is, but I can't be bothered to check, so you're having it anyway.

LOOK, Southend's a load of absolute bloody rubbish. I just went to Brighton for the weekend to visit my best friend and came back being one of those really annoying people that go "Oh, it's just so much better in Southend in, you know, soooo many ways".

IT'S TRUE THOUGH!!

Why, why, why is it that in Brighton, as soon we stepped into the north lanes we found a tiny, cute little vegeterian cafe selling organic falafels and rasberry hot chocolate? They were selling huge bowls of coconut, carrot and lemongrass soup for 99p. NINETY-NINE-FUCKIN-P. A place like that would never survive in Southend. People are thick. I know full well, hopefully as do anyone that's ever eaten the veggie food at The Railway, that the whole menu is delicious and actually, pretty cheap considering what you're getting. But three quarters of the town would give it a wide berth just because it doesn't do steak. But before anyone complains that I'm preaching, I'm just saying there's nothing wrong with being a bit open-minded once in a while and trying something really tasty that didn't once have a mother.

It's not just restuarants though, it's shops and clubs and librarys and all sorts. Anything I'd consider to be cool or cultured or just not a chain store would fail in it's first year here. That's why there's 2 Superdrugs, 2 Boots, 2 H&M's, 2 horrible no-name thrift stores and ONE tiny vintage shop, on a weeny alley, 2 streets away from the high street. You can't walk from one end to the other without seeing someone else in the same Primark or Topshop top as you.

And you know what else, I went into Leigh library to renew my mum's book for her the other day and they've got this machine where you can check books out and renew them yourself. It's so they don't have to pay librarians to do it, because no one goes to the bloody library any more. Jesus.

I'm gonna open a tea shop, and I'm gonna sell home-made soup and carrot cake and loose leaf darjeeling and you're gonna fuckin enjoy it, and that'll be that.

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